Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
