Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
