her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
