i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
