Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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