guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
