Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
