is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
