in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
