I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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