did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well you can't waste a boner
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
