Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
