"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
