just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
