My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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