last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
