just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
