How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
