In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize