I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
