16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
