My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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