how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
