careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
