okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
