I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
