All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
