Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
