I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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