Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
