anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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