Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
