This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
