I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
