If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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