areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
