my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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