Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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