Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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