Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
