How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have already put on my inside pants.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
