there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
