dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
