that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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