Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
