I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
