so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
