Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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