I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
