a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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