i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
