i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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