I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
