I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
