The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize