Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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