i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize