I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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