so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
