WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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