Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
