She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
