Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
