so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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