Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
