Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
