Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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