thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
